drugs...

Well if you don't know me than you don't know that my mother has been a drug addict off and on my entire life. Really she has been a drug addict for about 45 years. My sister and I always thought we would get that call one day that she was dead from an overdose or was murdered. Well instead I, as a young mother of 3, get to also take on the responsibility of taking care of my mother. The drugs have ruined her brain. She shakes 24/7, she can't finish many thoughts, her memory is awful. She is just not there anymore. I needed to write this because its emotionally helpful. I cried so much last night that my eyes were swollen when I woke up this morning. I knew when she visited me after Emily was born in February that she was no longer the same person. I mean she was never a normal person to begin with but the "Cheryle" that I always have known is no longer there. It's so sad and depressing. It scares me to think that in a few years that she could not be here anymore... That my kids will never know their grandmother as being even kinda normal. And to take on the responsibility at the age of 26 of being her care taker... THIS SUCKS!!! But thats the life that I was dealt... God gives us life and we have to deal with the choices we make but also the choices of those around us. Please pray for me so that I can have the strength to handle my mother and raise 3 awesome kids!

Growing up!

Wow in the past 2 months my babies have gotten a year older. Zachary turned 5 on March 21 and Maddison turned 2 on April 20. I just can't believe how big they are getting. This past weekend Zach learned to ride his bike with NO training wheels. I am so proud that he finally stuck with it and did it and all by himself. Maddison is learning how to talk better everyday which is nice because once she can talk hopefully she won't throw so many tantrums because she'll be able to talk instead of getting frustrated!

Little miss baby Emily is still little. At 11 week I can still put her in a newborn onesie. I can't believe how tiny she is but she's just a peanut! She is such a great addition to our family! Matt and I were definitly upset when I got pregnant with her but now I couldn't imagine our life with out her.

Saturday is my birthday and I am going to be 26. I told Matt all I want for my b-day is a one hour massage and to be able to come home and do nothing for the rest of the day! My dad said he should get me a house keeper for the day! I would welcome that idea too! Well I hope I at least get one thing!

Thanks for reading.  Enjoy your day!